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Interview: Official Even When My Heart Is Breaking Interview (2004)
As lead singer of the Indelible Grace band, and a key participant in the Indelible Grace albums, Matthew Smith has been a part of the new hymns movement, which joins old hymns with new music and is impacting worship worldwide. Now with the release of his first solo recording, Even When My Heart Is Breaking, Matthew continues pursuing his passion of seeing more people see the beauty of the Gospel of grace through hymns. We spoke to Matthew about how he got started, his new CD, and his plans for the future.

Tell me a little bit about how you got started singing hymns.
I used to lead worship some in high school for my youth group, but always felt inadequate as a worshipper. I never seemed to be able to stir up the kind of emotions in myself that I saw in others, or that I imagined should accompany worship through song.

After I graduated, I moved to Nashville to attend Belmont University and study music business. I soon started attending a weekly Bible study (Reformed University Fellowship) where I was introduced to hymns with new music like "And Can It Be," "Arise My Soul Arise," and "Thou Lovely Source Of True Delight." I had never heard anything like these hymns, and the teaching that went along with them was revolutionary. I realized one day that I was worshipping the way I had always wanted to-- my mind was engaged and I was emotionally connecting to the truth I was singing.

What made the difference?
The praise songs that I sang in high school mainly spoke about what I wanted to do: how I wanted to worship God, how I wanted to be renewed, et cetera. While those things were true, singing my desires didn't produce any kind of worship in my heart. In fact, it made me feel miserable. I felt like a failure. Singing about how I wanted to worship God was a kind of half-lie. In other words, I felt obligated to give God glory, because mentally I knew he deserved it, but it never sprung from being overwhelmed at who God is or what He has done. In the same way, I wanted to be renewed but wasn't being renewed, which led me to believe that I wasn't doing things right. It was a mess.

So, are you anti-praise songs now?
Not at all. But I do think that worship leaders should be discerning about what songs they choose, and sensitive to the realities of their congregations. Are the songs that you sing honest? If a hurt or discouraged person walks into your worship service, will they be met where they are in the songs, or are they being presented with a "cheer up and praise God, things aren't so bad" attitude? What encourages me about so many of the hymns is that they meet us where we are and gently guide us in the truth. Anne Steele did this particularly well, in that she wrote Psalm-like hymns of lament which cry out to God in the midst of hard circumstances, but never tries to minimize the reality of pain and a broken world.

How did you start writing music for hymns?
Kevin Twit, the guy who was leading the Bible study I was involved in, had written many of the hymn tunes we were singing. One day he held up a hymn text for "Come Ye Sinners," and encouraged whoever was interested to try and write new music for it. I sat down with the lyrics and my guitar that night, and it just happened naturally. Kevin decided to record an album of hymns soon thereafter, and he invited me to sing my version of "Come Ye Sinners" along with a couple of others. He called the album Indelible Grace, which comes from an Augustus Toplady hymn called "A Debtor To Mercy Alone": My name from the palms of his hands / Eternity will not erase / Impressed on his heart it remains / In marks of indelible grace.

The CD eventually got more attention and sold more copies that we had anticipated. It seems that we had struck a chord, and that others were as hungry for these kinds of songs as I was. We recorded two more CDs of hymns over the next couple of years, Pilgrim Days and For All The Saints. I formed the Indelible Grace touring band in 2000 and began to play concerts of these hymns, which led me into doing music full-time.

You've just released your debut CD, Even When My Heart Is Breaking. What made you decide to finally record a solo project?
I'm not a very prolific writer, so I've not necessarily felt constrained by being limited to two songs every year and a half or so on the Indelible Grace albums. But I did feel it was time to stretch myself a little and see what would happen if I did my own project. It took me a long time to come up with a concept I was happy with. Finally I gathered a few songs that felt tied together by a unified theme, which is basically "Jesus' heart breaks for the brokenhearted." I took three traditional hymns ("Jesus, What A Friend For Sinners," "'Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus," and "Be Thou My Vision"), added a new recording of "Come Ye Sinners," and a Robert Murray McCheyne hymn that I wrote new music to but hasn't been included on the Indelible Grace CDs.

The title comes from "Jesus, What A Friend For Sinners": Jesus, what a help in sorrow / While the billows o?er me roll / Even when my heart is breaking / He, my comfort, helps my soul. Just the idea that God doesn't shy away from us when we're confused, that we don't have to put up a front of having everything together?that gives me a lot of joy.

In addition to the broken heart theme, I also wanted to communicate the idea of how God gives us rest through his Gospel. For example, the lyric in "'Tis So Sweet..." that says 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus / Just from sin and self to cease / Just from Jesus simply taking / Life and rest and joy and peace, that gets to the heart of the matter. Most Christians know that they should cease from sin, but that often leads us to turn to self, which makes us restless, bitter and often secretly angry. But to cease from sin and self, to turn to Christ alone, is where real rest is found.

I wanted to create a mood in the last song ("Be Thou My Vision") that communicated that sense of rest even in the way the music sounded. When we had the first rough mixes of the album, my wife played it for our neighbor, who was over at our house with her baby. Before the song started, the baby was laughing and excitable, but two minutes into it he was fast asleep. When my wife told me, I thought, "Wow! I guess we did it!" So I hope people don?t listen to that song while driving.

How does this new project relate to the Indelible Grace CDs?
I feel so closely connected to IG, particularly since I lead the touring band, that it feels just like an continuation of what I?ve been doing for the last few years. It has a bit more of my own personal touch, but I think that people who enjoy IG will enjoy this, as it's pretty much in the same vein. Several friends who worked on the IG CDs, like Derek Webb, Sandra McCracken, Andrew Osenga and others worked on this one. Cason Cooley, who is a great multi-instrumentalist and often plays guitar with the IG band, was the producer for this record.

What are your plans for the future?
The Indelible Grace band is touring throughout October, playing at churches and college campuses, so I'm looking forward to that. I'll be speaking at some classes and seminars, which I've not done much of in the past, so I'm both excited and scared to be doing that. I want to do more speaking in the future, but that's something I have to develop as it's quite different from getting up there with a guitar.

This tour will be the first time we've worked with an organization called Compassion International, which I'm thrilled about. They're a child sponsorship ministry that works hand-in-hand with local churches around the world to meet the needs of children. It's an exciting model, because it empowers the local church with resources that they wouldn't otherwise have, and provides for physical, spiritual, and emotional needs--basically ministry to the whole person-- rather than just providing food or just evangelizing. I contend that when we come alive to the Gospel, which is what these hymns are about, then we come alive to loving our neighbors. To see the lives that have been changed through Compassion's efforts, to see how they've brought the hope of the Gospel into very dark, hopeless places-- that's something I want to be a part of. My wife and I have been Compassion sponsors for a few years now, and it's a privilege to hopefully see that effort multiplied through touring.

Beyond this tour, I hope to record a full-length album sometime. It depends on how well this project sells as to when I might be able to do that, but I'm already working on songs for it, as well as working on stuff for Indelible Grace IV. I want to keep singing hymns as long as God allows me to; I don't think I'll ever get tired of singing songs that have so much truth. I get just as much out of singing them at a concert as the people who attend do.